"Sign, sign, everywhere a sign Blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?"
-Five Man Electrical Band - 1970
During a typical campaign season, there are signs. Everywhere. They block out the scenery and break my mind.
And apparently, people HAVE been reading the signs....and are just taking the one's that belong to the opponent of their choice for certain offices.
This is not just a few isolated cases. It has happened in a local municipal race and two statewide races. Campaign signs on private property (not in the public right away) are being stolen.
The bottom line? This is no less an offense than if you went on to someone's property and stole their lawn furniture, hummingbird feeder or lawnmower. It's against the law. In a political situation the theft of signs --if sanctioned by, known about or participated in by candidates --can be even worse. It can be labeled an "infamous crime" and render someone ineligible for office
Don't believe me? There is an ol' boy down Greenwood way that wanted to run for mayor about a decade ago, And probably would have won had he not been out with a buddy in a pick-up pulling up his opponents signs. And got caught.
Common sense dictates that candidates cannot place signs on the public right away at all or on private property without permission. That's not what we're talking about here. In one local race, seven signs were reported missing in a short time period.
When the Sign Patrol pulls up an illegally placed placard for being between that grassy strip between the road and the sidewalk, they take it to jail and let the candidate know they have the culprit. Because, you know, we don't waste enough taxpayer money measuring 6 1/4 inch grass and writing people up for having patio furniture on their porch.
Seven signs are missing. But the Fort Smith Sign Police only rounded up one of those nefarious, Coreplast scoundrels and was holding him at the criminal campaign sign impound over on Kelley Highway. Only one has been accounted for. The other six? Who knows? Maybe a jail break?
Well, that's not completely correct. We all kind of know what, if not who, is behind the missing signs. You got no game, no substance and not much ability to win a race conducted in a fairly contested election, so you figure the public at large is so stupid that if they see more of "your" signs then "his" signs they'll vote for you.
It's the strategy we used trying to get our buddies elected to the student council at Darby in the eighth grade. Insert any junior high name for "Darby" and you get the picture.
But wait. There's more! One of the people that had their sign removed because it was (by their own admission) in the wrong spot got another identical sign and put it in their yard next to a couple of other signs for a statewide and a county race. Rumor even has it the county candidate saw the sign for the local race in the guys yard.
Next morning? Poof. Sign is gone. Vanished. It's either disappeared, was abducted by aliens, or is being held in sign jail on a no-bond hold.
But wait. Signs in the "rightaway" next to signs that have come up missing --in some cases ---are still in the "rightaway". I guess it depends on the name on the sign or the color scheme of the sign.
Maybe it's all part of "The Unexpected" community art project. Rats involved in that too.
Or maybe it's this. Maybe the same ol' political hacks and backdoor deal makers that have been running this town for four decades are seeing that maybe--just maybe--enough people are fed up with the Mob-like antics they employ to make sure that the more things stay the same, they more they stay the same.
And they are thinking about booting them from their ivory tower.
As an independent news source that is barely six months old (been doing this for a year and a half...the first year was just being used as a whipping boy for another person that's just like the Downtown Mafia in his "ethics")...I have seen and uncovered enough stuff to make you puke.
Some of it has been revealed, some will be revealed and some may never come to light...because the people involved don't want to be made "an offer they can't refuse".
That's right. People are scared. Terrified of litigation. In fear of losing their livelihood. Intimidated. Extorted. Measuring their pile of money against "that" pile of money and seeing the Golden Rule in play. He who has the gold makes the rules.
Don't think political crookedness is just limited to the local level. There are sign- stealers in both the Governor's and Legislature's race as well. And worse.
I could name names. However, in just about every case the sign-stealing, political double-dealing and mud-slinging is just the tip of the iceberg. A symptom of the underlying, festering pocket of pus that has become politics, even in a non-partisan, municipal election.
I would say some people should be ashamed, but fully realizing they are incapable of feeling shame at any level, that would just be wishful thinking on my part.
You see what I did there. I painted a mental picture. Without calling anyone by name or pointing a finger at the guilty few. Because I can't say with any certainty that Candidate "A" is either stealing signs or knows that his supporters are.
But rest assured (if that is your preferred method of rest) if you get caught or someone get's caught and squeals on you, I'm dropping dimes.
Here first and with the state ethics commission later. Let me find some proof. Game cameras are our friend. And we'll write stuff on your forehead in red permanent marker.
"Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?"